What is trust?

What’s the difference between trust and expectation? Are trust and expectations correlated? Do they have to be? Can you trust somebody? Why is trust so hard to develop and easy to lose?

Dictionary Definition
trust [ trust ]
1. reliance: confidence in and reliance on good qualities, especially fairness, truth, honor, or ability
2. position of obligation: the position of somebody who is expected by others to behave responsibly or honorably
3. hope for future: hopeful reliance on what will happen in the future

Jullien’s Definition

Trust is a currency backed by integrity (in the same way the dollar is supposed to be backed by gold).

In God we trust. I trust you. I trusted you. I don’t trust you anymore.

Our entire social system is based on trust-based social contracts. I trust that I will be able to spend this money I earned to get other goods and services. I trust that if I loan you this money, you will give it back. I trust that you won’t steal what is mine. I trust that if I do what I’m told I will get the maximum result or reward. I trust that if I marry you, you won’t hurt me or cheat on me. I trust that you will protect me and take care of me. I trust that you will do what’s right. I trust that you tested this and it is safe.

There is a fine line between trust and expectation. When we begin to expect certain behaviors or things from God (God, if I do this, you’ll give me…), other people (If we get married, you’ll never…), and ourselves (I will always…) and they don’t come as expected, oftentimes we lose trust. In reality, we settled into an expectation of “I’ll always… You have to. You’re supposed do. I deserve. You should have…I’m entitled to.” All of these expectations are false and when what happens doesn’t align with our expectations our trust waivers.

Expectations occur when we expect someone to do something they didn’t necessarily commit to simply because of past behavior. For instance, someone can think to themselves “I’m sure she’ll loan me a few dollars” when “She” never made that commitment. Her past behavior may indicate that it is likely in the future, but each time is an individual choice. Expectations don’t give the individuals we interact with the freedom to make new in-the-moment choices even in seemingly similar reoccurring situations.

Trust is the space an individual holds for themselves or others to deliver on something they committed to. We can only base trust off of one’s integrity or the alignment of their word and action. If someone commits to something that you are depending on in the future and they don’t come through, then trust is broken (unless a crazy circumstance occurred). Trust that someone will do what they say in the future allows us to focus on other priorities and move in a different way mentally, physically, and spiritually. Therefore, violation of that trust throws off our future. Oftentimes, it would have been easier to move through the world if the other party (or ourselves) just said “No” from the beginning.

Every day we create agreements and contracts with other people. “I’ll call you later. Let’s do lunch next week. I’ll email you. I’ll see you later.” But most of the contracts are loose and cordial. But even those small commitments are times to build trust. Even the legal world where contracts are written and signed, most contracts are distrust-based. They are designed to protect both parties from major downside rather than establishing clarity around a new relationship that will create upside for everyone. In the cases where the contracts are trust-based (I’ll do A and you’ll do B in hopes that we can achieve C together), new trust is created when the desire goal is achieved and with more trust comes more opportunity.

Verbal and written contracts actually shift expectations to trust because now their is a commitment from the other party saying “Yes! I will do that for you.” Most expectations are imagined and unwarranted—we assume that the other party should know they are supposed to do that. Getting the expectations we have of others out of our heads by verbalizing them with the parties we have expectations of will allow us to see which one’s are justified and unjustified, and from there we can build more trusting relationships.

In (the) God (in you) I trust!