When bad things happen to people, they tend to ask “Why did this happen to me?”, but a more powerful question to ask is “Why did this happen for me?” All of our experiences are designed to direct us toward our purpose and highest self. Our purpose is a dream we forget when we are born and our life is an attempt to remember and relive it. Imagine that you actually got to choose all of things that would end up happening in your life before your were born to remind you of your purpose, but when you were born you forgot that you choose them. It would be like creating your own video game or obstacle course and then trying to beat it.

Many indigenous cultures  believe that we choose our purpose before we are born and that we are simply spiritual beings having a human experience. The Dagara people in Burkina Faso in West Africa have a ritual based on the assumption that the child knows its purpose before it is born but will forget during the birthing process. According to Sobonfu (keeper of rituals) Some of the Dagara people it “is customary for pregnant women to go through a hearing ritual. The purpose of a hearing ritual is to listen to the incoming baby; to find out who it is; why it’s coming at this time; what it’s purpose is; what it likes or dislikes; and what the living can do to prepare space for this person. The child’s name is then given based on that information. Four weeks after the birth the naming for a baby girl takes place, and three weeks after the birth, a baby boy is named. In the Dagara tradition, you own your name up until the age of five. After the age of five, your name owns you. Your name is an energy; your name has a life force. It creates an umbrella under which you live. That is why it is important to hear the child before they giving him or her the name, because the name must match the purpose.”

Based on this belief I created a powerful exercise that may help you gain some clarity on your life purpose and help you find the why in the “Why me?”

Step 1. Create a quarter-page column on the left and  label it “I chose to…”.

Step 2. In that column list all of the things that have happened to you—good and bad—that you think you had no control over in choosing. A lot the things in this list may have to do with birth, physical attributes, your parental, and personal experiences. Try to come up with at least 10.

Examples: 1. be named Jullien 2. be an African-American 3. be the son of an alcoholic 4.  be raised in the Bay Area 5. be born to a middle-class family 6. be born pre-mature 7. be born on July 11th, 1982 8. be born to two doctors 9. have divorce parents 10. have my 1st car stolen at gun point

Step 3. Label the second column “Why did this happen for me?”

Step 4. Ask yourself “Why did this happen for me?” or “Why may I have chosen this to remind me of my purpose?”

Examples:

I may have chose to be born to an alcoholic to remind me of the emptiness that we endure when we dismiss our passions and purpose in pursuit of false wealth, success, and happiness. Also being exposed to Alcoholics Anonymous has given me a successful framework for how to build a supportive spiritual people driven community which I think is necessary for people to discover and pursue their purpose.

I may have chose to be born to two doctors because I am also a healer. They are both surgeons meaning that they address immediate physical pain. My purpose may be to address chronic spiritual pain.

You don’t necessarily have to believe what the Dagara believe to have a powerful experience doing this exercise. At the end of the day, it’s just a way to reframe and repurpose some of our life experiences so that we can see the benefit of all of them, especially the ones we felt we had no control over. Feel free to ask friends why you may have chosen some of things as well. They may have insights that you never considered.

Live purpose-fully!