Hey,

I know it has been awhile since I last wrote. I’ve been writing, but not publicly.

I’ve been dealing with some demons.

Addiction runs in my family—primarily alcoholism. Some addictions get handed down from one generation to the next. That’s why I’ve never drank alcohol. Cranberry juice for me please.

I thought I got skipped and was free and clear.

But my relationship with my wife, who is my loving reflection, has helped me see who I truly am and it has revealed to me (and I have finally admitted) that I’m a workaholic.

When I was a single aspiring entrepreneur, my “work ethic” was applauded by family members, friends, B.P.A.I.D. owners, and even you, my readers. But my wife knew that I couldn’t control myself. Instead of pouring alcohol into my soul, I‘ve been pouring my soul into work. Even that sounds good. Workaholism is the only addiction that we celebrate in society.

But work can’t contain all of who I am. No cubicle, computer, or corporation can contain who any one of us truly is. And there are more containers to pour into and fill in life than just work and our bank accounts.

I think Walter White, the cancer-ridden chemistry teacher turned meth dealer from Breaking Bad, said it best when he said “I did it for me.”

While he professed to be selling drugs, lying, killing people, and growing his empire to make money for his family when he died, the reality was that he was doing it for more selfish ambitions. He was also doing it for his family, but the truth was that his family was secondary.

I don’t even have kids yet and I hear myself saying that “This is for my kids.”

That’s BS.

I get hyped off of Wale’s song “Ambition.” But lately, Pharrell’s “Happy” has been in heavy rotation.

I’m torn because I still believe in hustling and working hard, but I know there has to be a better way and the answer isn’t just more money. There are people with financial freedom who don’t have time freedom and vice versa. I believe we can all hustle smarter and as I find smarter ways, I will continue to share them with you.

The crazy thing is that even as smart as I think I am, even after going to the best schools, even despite the number of lives I touch, I’m still here.

Overworked…check!
Overwhelmed…check!
Uncertain…check!
Unhappy…sometimes!

I thought that workaholism was a “first world problem,” which is a way of saying it’s not really a problem (i.e. my cleaning lady quit). But there are people who have way less than me, who, on average, are happier than I am on a daily basis.

How is that?

I think the root of it is the fear of not having enough. Therefore the solution would be to get clear on what is enough. Without my daily gratitude journal, I would be worse off.

There is a fine line between living to work and working to live. I also believe we can have everything we want, as long as we don’t want everything.

I’m in the process of revisiting my values, my New Year Guide, and meditation to declare what I really want from life and most importantly to give to life.

I don’t have all the answers, but I think I’m asking the right questions. It’s a process, not a pill. Change your day—change your life.

If you have ways that you deal with workaholism, email me at jullien at newhigher.com or share them in the comments section below.

Wishing you well-th & More happy hours,

Jullien “The Innerviewer” Gordon